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Pitch the Glasses: An Open Letter to Eric Sogard
Let’s, for a second, revisit April 2012 when Oakland Athletics’ second baseman, Eric Sogard, said this in reference to his glasses to Jim Caple of ESPN.com:
“I’m probably one of the last players to wear them, but they work for me. I’ve tried contacts, but I just don’t see as well with them. I’ve been wearing [glasses] since high school, and I’ve never had a problem with them. I’ve always seen better with glasses than contacts, so I’ve just stuck with them.”
Eric, Eric, Eric. Let’s chat. You have options now. Big options! Easy options!
LASIK. It’s quick and easy. You’ll be back at home plate in a few days. Heck, you have an off-season. Problem solved! You’re welcome.
No?
I get it. You have the fans, and you have a glasses-wearing nerd persona to protect. As a former fellow glasses wearer and four-eyes-name-calling recipient, I thank you for standing up for us. But it’s time to consider something beyond the pesky glasses and contacts.
Think about the errors that might have been avoided had you not been worried that the ball was headed straight for your face, which in turn might make your glasses fly off and break, or worse, smack against your face, bruising those two blue eyes and delicate nose in the process. Because yes, we know that’s what you were worried about and not just, uh, head trauma in general.
Oh, and I’m just guessing that you have blue eyes. I don’t know. I can’t see them because your glasses are in the way. Let us see those baby blues. (Or greens? Or browns?)
Let’s get to the other main point here, nine paragraphs later: You can still reign as #NerdPower king without glasses!
Do you like Spider-Man? What about comics in general? Do you find yourself engaged in conversations about which Star Wars movie is the best and how George Lucas deserves a kick in the shin because of stupid Jar Jar Binks? In your face, Sogard (carefully, since you wear glasses)! I just proved that glasses are not needed #NerdPower.
Still not convinced? All right. Then try the procedure and wear fakes. No one will ever know. But I bet they’ll start getting suspicious when you get fewer errors and more hits and catches. I’m right, and you know it.
At least consider it. I did a few months ago, and while I do not engage in any sports (or physical activity in general), I do consider myself a nerd. And I would like to have power. And I am on Twitter and use hashtags. And now I don’t wear glasses, but I can clearly see the television screen when I’m watching old episodes of “Star Trek” with my four cats sitting on my lap. And if I did engage in physical activity, my face would be a whole lot safer because I wouldn’t have the constant threat of glass and plastic erupting in my face.
Just sleep on it. But don’t forget to take your glasses off first — I remember what a pain that was. Ugh.
Disclaimer: I’m a Cincinnati Reds fan, and if I had the option back in 1988, I would have also written this letter to Chris Sabo. At least I’d like to think so. After all, I was nine years old.
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